Friday, February 2, 2018

I Don't Want Your Feedback

Have you ever found yourself saying, "I welcome your feedback."

Have you said in a meeting or after leading something, "Please tell me what you really think."

Have you thought to yourself I like feedback?

But in reality has someone ever given you feedback and you found yourself not enjoying the experience, at all?

I remember one time I was given feedback in the middle of something I was leading. It really took every ounce of self-control to just listen to what the person was saying and not react defensively. I felt angry. I was taken aback. I said, "thank you" when the person finished, but I was not thankful. As I have pondered why it bothered me so much, I have thought things like: I really do want feedback, it was just bad timing. I don't have a close enough relationship with the person, so that's why the feedback was hard for me to receive. 

I wonder if have ever offered well-meaning feedback to someone, and it wasn't helpful.

As leaders, we could say, people might not like feedback, but the need it! However, if our interactions or attempts at giving helpful feedback leave others angry or defensive, it might not be very fruitful.

So, what should we do?

This video gives an interesting perspective on the difference between coaching and feedback.

What do you think? What do you prefer: coaching or feedback? Because I just realized I don't want your feedback. I mean. I do. But, actually what I want is to grow. And, what we really want for those we lead is growth. What is the best way to get that result?

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